In 1999, I wrote you and Dr. Dre a letter. In that letter, I told you how your music has impacted me. I asked if I can be a musician for Aftermath, which probably turned you off, because everyone asks to be down with the “wave” at the time. In 2000, I wrote you another letter, just to tell you how much you saved my life. When I got rejected by Regis High School, I cried for HOURS listening to “Stan”, because I feel like I gave my 100% to my TACHS exam. After my rejection letter to Xavier, I cried to the whole album. I felt like believing in education was meaningless. And strangely, your music which pissed off gays and lesbians kept me going. I think what you and ICP have in common is the subliminal messages of encouragement. I never tried to backmask your music and say what you’re saying in reverse (until about 2 weeks ago; was just curious if you were one of the “them” I spent my entire career trying to not be; you’re not).
As of late, I found myself in a “Relapse” rut. I am nicer than any rapper that is to come. Period. And I don’t have a need to battle a Wale or a Cory Gunz to prove it. I know my lyrical ability, whether these hip-hop sites will admit to it or not. “He can’t make a good song!” “He hasn’t had a dope project since The Pink Lavalamp!” and “Charles Hamilton sold out!” haunt me to this day. Was it the “Brooklyn Girls” video? The “Charles Hamilton Is Back” trailer (the song is called “New Music From Charles Hamilton”. And then, there’s the recent self-ether attack of this pic…
Not much pink in my pics because pink is inside. But I know. “Charles you look MAD funny in that pic”. And dude, I felt kinda awkward takin that pic because of your past lyrics and how I feel about same sex relations. Funny huh?
I was told not to put my freestyle to “Beautiful” on Binge3 because of the references to your daughter and Paul. I meant no harm, dude. I hope you don’t diss me for it. I also hope you indeed write songs to my beats.
I sound like such a groupie right now, it’s disgusting. It’s the inner Alison.
All I know is, I completed my dharma when I met you in Detroit. I have never felt better my entire life. We kicked it. Had a chat. Laughed. I think the Newports pissed you off. I hope not. I mighta crossed the line asking to live in your basement, but “you only get one shot…” I figured if we gon be label mates and I’m willing to listen to anything you say musically, I might as well be a roommate. And I felt like I only had one chance to ask you. You are that elusive. So, sorry if I weirded you out then.
I hear all the time you wouldn’t give a f*ck about me because I didn’t sell any records. I hope it’s not true. Inside, I know it’s not, but hey. I am someone who, once something is on the surface, it takes a lot to remove it. Pine-Sol.
lol one of my other wishes was to ride Razor scooters with Raven-Symone through Harlem. Some wishes don’t come true, and don’t come true so easy.
You remind me of my brother Marcus (in fact……..), because as much as I wanted to spend everyday getting picked on by him, I had to move to the city that is high on Coke 100% of the time (never sleeps). I wish I could spend more time with him. Then again… f*ck that.
Here’s a story. The last time I was in Ohio, we had a multiple-hour chat. He said he thought I didn’t wanna be with him, and I said I thought he hated me. He got more out of my dad than I did. He felt the same way. We both ended up lost.
Thank sunny days I found you.
You probably will read this. A lot of people will. Not scared (#ImNotAfraid). “I’m Not Afraid” is what is influencing me to do what I’m doing now. You think I’m scared of LA streetlights? F*ck outta here. Kill me with my iPod on peak (Apple holla at me, MTV come find me). I will be playing the 8 Mile soundtrack, I will be playing your catalogue for all that. lol. But this is for me. I feel like having access to a studio in which I went to school in the same building, kinda spoiled me. I’m working for this.
So radio stations, I want a million plus spins on “I’m Not Afraid”.
And Starchasers, I hope my music influences you to find the inner lightbulb within and blackout. Find your destiny through my music. I make DestinyFinding music. I never tell you to kill your parents, worship the Devil, sell drugs, or do anything that will compromise who you are. When critics say I try to hard to be different, I tell them (inserts a plug for “Normalcy”). And if you are a young’n (even an old gamer) in the streets tryna survive, I feel you. And I want to feel you again.
We will never lose touch, DimmingStarchasers. Not by a mile.
Hey Sega. Don’t touch my Dreamcast in your life.
Will I be back in Simone’s arms? Will I be Eminem’s public favorite rapper? Will I get my drive back to write the gutter shit?
Anyway Marsh, I’m going in and out of my HamiltonianZones again. Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate everything about you, and the next time I get on a mic, a stage, or in a cypher, I will be doper than anything you’ve ever witnessed. Besides, Alison needed a white rapper to look up to, and Charles (well, I) have never felt an urge so strong in my life.
PS: We should rap together, too!